Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches
By: Rachel Jankovic
Loving the Little Years is a breath of fresh air amidst the current "seminar mentality" of modern Evangelical Christianity. It does not give you a step-by-step formula for parenting, discipline or organization. It does not dwell on the issue of stay-at-home mom vs. working mom. Rather, this book seeks only to focus on one very important aspect of your heart... your attitude.
I'm a big fan of focusing on the heart of your children in parenting. After all, they are not puppies that we can train with only concern for their outward behavior. Outward behavior is important, because it shows us what is in their hearts. Dealing with the heart is the best way to deal with the behavior. Rachel Jankovic takes this biblical mentality and applies it directly to mothers. If we find ourselves struggling in day to day life, tempted to give in to loneliness, frustration, despair or bitterness... then there is a problem, and it isn't with our circumstances... it's with us. This book focuses on our attitudes rather than our circumstances. While the book is (obviously) written for mothers, the principles are based on gospel thinking and can be applied to all areas of life. I'm going to share some of my favorite aspects here, but please... read the book. :-) It's divided into very small chapters, so take a few minutes a day and air out your attitude!
My Favorite Chapters
Chapter 2 describes a mother's life as "Life in a Rock Tumbler." Rachel speaks honestly of her own temptation to look back on the ease of her spiritual walk in past years, and to yearn after it. I mean, let's face it, how many of us USED to sit on a neatly made bed each morning, talking to the Lord at length, planning and committing our day to Him? I too have a temptation to look back on those years as "the good years" when I was spiritually growing by leaps and bounds. But Rachel points out that just because we don't have time for quiet reflection about our growth does not mean that growth is not happening. Actually, life in the rock tumbler should be viewed as having more opportunity for growth than the quiet stream did. Here in the tumbler, if we before the Lord address our own hearts each day as we teach the hearts of our children... not only will our children really "get" the lessons (because they are being lived before them), but our own growth will be consistently encouraged. Don't yearn after the old days and old habits, rather embrace this stage and recognize that Christ is here as well!
In Chapter 4, Rachel reminds us not to be bogged down by the constant series of struggles our children will go through, but rather to take encouragement in looking at how far they have come. See, in parenting, there will always be a new problem to be worked through. This is because our children are sinners (just like us!). It's easy to feel like a failure as a mom, instead of praising the Lord for past victories and grace, and praying over present struggles in faith believing that He will conquer the hearts of our children in the new area as well. For me, this was a huge encouragement. Yes, Kyle is now running away from me as fast as he can when I mention a diaper change, but he rarely refuses the food placed in front of him anymore. I need to remember to be excited over his little victories, praising God for them!
In Chapter 12 Rachel talks about the issues of body image and "me time." Her perspective is wonderful! She (rightly) is a big advocate of not allowing your attitude to be dampened or frustrated by lack of cleanliness etc, and encourages you to take that time in the morning to start your day by showering, even putting on some makeup! But she is also realistic, cautioning against the mentality that our bodies are treasures which our children are destroying. She points out that our bodies are actually tools that we are to be maintaining. So yes, lose the pregnancy weight so that your body is fit for use, but in the meantime... don't cast angry glares at your son thinking of everything you "sacrificed" for him. Motherhood is about laying down your life, and laying down your body for another. What a privilege to follow Christ in this area!
Chapter 17 was my favorite chapter. In it, Rachel urges mothers to solemnly treasure these short years which our children have under our authority. It is vital to teach them the importance of God's law, so that they can stand under it alongside us... on their own two feet. Parenting is slowly releasing children from our authority to join us under God's authority. While they are always under God's authority, they will not always be under ours. Rachel urges parents to "Keep an eye on the time when they will be free of your law - you want them to have learned to love God's." She also points out that her "relationship with [her] children will be, Lord willing, one of friendship far longer than it is one of authority." This is an important mindset for those of us in "the little years" to remember. We'll be parents of adults before we can blink twice, and I trust that, by God's grace, we will have raised them to be a great blessing, not a great curse.
My Favorite Quotes
"If my attitude falters, even in the midst of external order, so does everything else." (p. 11)
"Try to notice these little mile markers on the path of sanctification. If the sins have changed, it can be a sign of growth. it is not as though our children are going to emerge from their current problems into perfect holiness if only we give them enough swats. They are going to emerge from one set of problems into the next, and that is good. That is the way of the Christian walk." (p. 22-23)
"The mere fact of having had children does not mean you are a fruitful person." (p. 32)
"Christian childrearing is a pastoral pursuit, not an organizational challenge." (p. 50)
"[Our bodies] were not given to us to preserve, they were given to us to use." (p. 59)
"As our children grow, we ought to be releasing them from our authority to God's authority alongside us." (p. 85)
"Joy is not giddy. it is not an emotional rush - it is what happens when you accept your lot and rejoice in your toil. So rejoice in your children. Look them in the eyes and give thanks. You will not even remember the work of all this planting when the harvest of joy overwhelms you." (p. 102)
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